This week I’ve decided to do a Vampire Diaries recap.  I may make it a regular thing, who knows?  So here we go, a review of The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 5, “Monster’s Ball”!

OMG the Vampire Diaries has remembered its own title and has Elena actually writing in her diary again!  All it took was almost everyone she’s ever loved dying, the latest of which is Bonnie.  Honestly as annoying and whiny as I find Elena sometimes, she really has a right to be whiny.  Everyone she loves has terrible luck and seems to end up dead.  That’ll make anyone depressed.  Like any angsty college girl, of course she’s writing in her diary in the middle of the quad.  That’s really where you can get your best writing and crying done.

vampire diaries monster's ball elena diary writing

Oh look at me, surrounded by people yet so alone!

vampire diaries monster's ball elena crying on campus

I like to cry where everyone can see my pain

Meanwhile Caroline is back with Tyler even though he’s basically been MIA for months, abandoning her at college…it’s a wonder she’s still with him…but anyway they’re doing it like crazy in the dorm room so makes sense Elena would want to steer clear.  I guess that excuses her incredibly dramatic diary writing in the middle of campus.  Tyler doesn’t want to talk about his major or his dorm room because he’s obviously not going to stick around and actually go to college.  Caroline of course is clueless to this, as she’s been clueless all season long thinking they still have a future.  Honestly you don’t need to read He’s Just Not That Into You to know that when he stays out of town for months on end, HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.  “I’ve been helping a werewolf pack in the land of no cell phone reception” is obviously a super flimsy excuse along the lines of “I lost your number.”

Moving on to Elena trying to get info from a guy who clearly knew her dead roommate since he looks all sad that she’s dead.  In her memorial picture Elena’s dead roommate totally looks like Tatiana Maslany a little bit.

vampire diaries monster's ball dead roommate

Here’s the dead roommate….

cosima on orphan black

…and here’s Tatiana Maslany playing Cosima on Orphan Black. See the resemblance? No? Just me?

Love that dead roommate’s mysterious friend responds to Elena’s question, “Do you have a name?” with, “Yeah.  I do,” as he walks away.  Hilarious.  You get the answers to the questions you actually ask, Elena.

Turns out he’s the boy version of Elena.  Everyone around him dies, survivor’s guilt, yada yada.  We learn this later at the college’s historical costume ball, which I’ve avoided mentioning because honestly who goes to this many events that require either formal dress or costumes??  It almost made sense when it was confined to their small town, because sure, what else do you do in a small town, and also it’s like a rule on TV that small towns have to have an inordinate amount of town events where everyone can interact.  But now this trend has of course gone to college with them which is just crazy.  College kids don’t get excited about dressing up as historical figures at some museum party.  They get excited about getting drunk at any party with free booze.  However, what do I know?  I went to ASU.  Maybe I have a skewed perspective of college life.

asu college life

This is what you get when you do an image search for “asu party”. See, no sophisticated historical costumes here!

Moving on, Katherine is still being held hostage by the vampire traveler chick whose name I didn’t catch.  She’s telling Silas that she’ll hand Katherine over soon.  Silas wants Katherine because her blood is the cure for immortality now, but he doesn’t just need a few drops.  He apparently needs to drain all her blood.  Hmm I wonder how that will work out.  The show is very averse to killing Katherine so I’m guessing they’ll come up with some twist if he actually does get his hands on her.

Silas has got to win the award for most complicated suicide plan.  He not only has to cure his immortality, he then has to destroy the “other side” that his jilted ex-fiance created to hold his soul in limbo and keep him from being with his true love that he jilted her for forever ago.

Damon has the great idea to help Silas and when he does kill himself have him switch places with dead Bonnie the same way she switched places with dead Jeremy to bring him back to life.  This is in no way complicated or going to backfire.

Katherine is suffering the consequences of being a huge bitch who only cares about herself for the past 500 years.  Now Silas wants to drain all her blood to kill himself and the girl holding her hostage wants her to know just how badly she wants her dead for causing the death of her mother back in the 1600s.  Man, vampires can really hold a grudge.  Katherine’s like Whatever, because killing people just doesn’t bother her.  She stabs the chick in the gut and makes a run for it.


vampire diaries monster's ball stabbed in the gut

Pictured: ouch!

Now there are a bunch of scenes at the costume party which is basically an excuse to once again show off the talents of the costume department on The Vampire Diaries set.  Basically Damon keeps snapping Stefan’s neck so that Silas can have his mind-reading powers back so he can find what he needs from Tessa (I don’t even know how to spell her original name and I’m not going to try) to destroy the other side.  Basically it works but once Tessa realizes it’s Silas she’s been hanging with, not Stefan, she reaches into his chest and destroys his heart so that he goes all gray and immobile and basically is taken out of commission.  Yikes.   This is not a chick you want to piss off.

silas vampire diaries

This is not a good look for you, bro

Oh and also at the party a bunch of boring Tyler and Caroline stuff happens, and Elena finds out that the professor who faked her roommate’s death certificate, calling it a suicide instead of a vampire killing, knows all about vampires and apparently knows that Elena and her friends are vampires.  He tells her to leave school and go back to Mystic Falls.  So there’s that.

Meanwhile Katherine approaches the chick she stabbed and is like hey I know you made up that story about me killing your mother.  Okay mind blown.  The chick admits that the initial story she told was a lie.  But Katherine did kill her mother.  The truth is that she is Nadia PETROVA, Katherine’s daughter, and she is PISSED at her mom for killing herself/becoming a vampire and abandoning her.  That is crazy.  Fast forward to a later scene and they have a little heart to heart in which Katherine tells Nadia that she went back for her once she got free of the people she was running from, and she couldn’t find her.  So I guess they’re going to be super close now.  Mother daughter bonding time!

So the boring Caroline/Tyler stuff: He’s not going to stick around and let Klaus get away with killing his mother.  I guess that means he’s going to New Orleans to join the cast of The Originals?  Or will he just disappear altogether?  Caroline begs him to just “Stay!  Be the love of my life!  Love me more than you hate him!”  That is moving, and a good point.  His reply?  “I can’t do that.”  Harsh bro.  That’s cold.  So clearly you’re not meant to be and he cares more about revenge than you.  I say good riddance!  I’m glad that they’re finally officially broken up.  All this talk of Tyler when he wasn’t around was getting old.

Final scene fun time!  Katherine comes over to see grayed out Silas on Damon’s couch.  She is quite pleased now that she won’t have to go on the run to avoid dying.  She congratulates Damon and Elena on “finally doing something right.”  Oh Katherine, you underestimate how much they hate you.  Damon lured her there to bite open her neck and then shove it onto Silas’s mouth so he could suck all that blood-cure goodness out of her.  Does this mean Katherine’s finally being allowed to die??  She’s lying on the floor, looking all dead, and then…heartbeat.

vampire diaries monster's ball katherine dead

All I can think of in this overhead shot is “Your rug’s crooked. Straighten that shit out, Damon.”

Elena’s super annoyed that Katherine is still alive.  “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”  I like Damon’s line better: “Takes a lickin’, keeps on tickin’.”   Katherine sees the two of them standing there and is like, “Am I in hell?”  Aaaand THE END!

Well I’m really interested to see how human Katherine could get drained of all her blood and keep living.  Maybe having your blood be the cure means that it regenerates itself really quickly?  I don’t know, guess we’ll have to find out next week on The Vampire Show That Occasionally Has Diary Writing!